WORRIED ABOUT SOMEONE?
If you’ve noticed worrying changes in a colleague, friend or loved one, don’t wait for them to ‘reach out’.
When we’re sad, distracted, or overwhelmed, reaching out is the hardest thing.
So make the first move.
REACH IN.
Say something.
As humans, when we’re struggling, we need to know:
- someone has noticed our pain
- someone cares and is willing to help
- we are not alone
So you could make a good start by letting the colleague, friend or loved one (or even a stranger) know these things.
TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF YOURSELF
Understand that while you CAN’T fix their problems, you CAN:
- help by listening
- make a difference
- potentially save their life
And if you don’t know what to say, how about:
“I don’t know what to say right now. But I’m glad you’re alive. And I want to help.”
LEARN BASIC LIFE-SAVING TOOLS
Here are some practical ways you can S.T.A.R.T. to help a person who might be thinking of suicide.
Spot the possible signs
Most people thinking of suicide do let others know that they’re struggling – consciously or not. There are almost always signs – often very subtle, even barely perceptible. And tragically, too often we only see these signs after a suicide. Suicide prevention training helps increase our awareness and ‘turns up our radar’ of things we can be looking and listening for.
Trust your gut
We need to become more aware of our instincts – and with awareness comes choice. We can learn to choose to respond to what we have seen, heard and felt, rather than (out of consciousness) disregarding our own discomfort – and thereby ignoring their pain. Trust your gut, and learn to start a conversation.
Ask about suicide thoughts
The only way to know if someone is thinking about suicide (and the safest step to take) is to ask them directly. Something like: “Are you thinking of suicide?” You might have fears around asking this question – very common and understandable. What if they say yes? What if I offend them? What if I put the idea in their head? (This last one is a big myth!) This is one area where training can really help. For now, please know this: Asking someone if they are thinking about suicide will say: I CARE; I SEE YOUR PAIN (and I’m not afraid to name it). It’s safe to talk about suicide with me.
Really listen
Actively listening is the most helpful thing we can do immediately after asking about suicide – and at many other times in life too. Really listening involves: accepting what you hear, minimal questions, gentle reflections, honesty, vulnerability, sitting with our own discomfort, seeking to understand, staying ‘here and now’. We don’t need to be a counsellor to listen, but we do need to be patient and (importantly) resist the urge to fix or offer solutions.
Tell someone together
Sometimes a person is resistant to talking to others about their thoughts of suicide. They might ask you to keep things confidential. But (and this is important), you must NEVER be the only person who knows that someone is thinking about suicide. That isn’t fair or safe for them – or for you. Any conversation about suicide will ultimately need to involve other people: ideally at least two others, and a mix of formal and informal resources. This involves making phonecalls together.
THIS IS JUST THE S.T.A.R.T.
Listed above are just FIVE basic tools for a conversation about suicide. There is LOTS more to understand about each one – nuances, fears, myths – and other tools to learn too; but just using these five basic tools can be enough to save a life.
Anyone (almost everyone) can learn to talk about suicide – we can’t leave these conversations to the ‘professionals’. It is up to us all – as parents, friends, colleagues, HUMANS – to learn and use these life-saving tools.
When the opportunity allows and to learn more, consider taking suicide prevention training. This is potentially life-saving knowledge that is highly relevant to our 21st century society. Depending on the time you have available, you could consider ZSA (20 minutes), TAS10 (90 minutes), Suicide First Aid (one day) or ASIST: Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (two days). For more detail about training options, please check out the TRAINING section of our Support page.
AND FINALLY,
- If someone is in immediate danger:
• Keep yourself safe
• Do not leave them on their own – stay, or find someone to be with them
• Dial 999 and ask for an ambulance, or take them to A&E at their local hospital - Take care of yourself too.
Once again
- YOU CAN help by listening
- YOU CAN make a difference
- YOU CAN potentially save their life